Mother, Not BFF

This past Mother’s Day was just another day to me. I love my mom to death and would want nothing more but to see her happy but I just don’t get into the hype of the day (or any of these national commercialized holidays but that’s a story for another day). As I read through all the “my mother is my best friend posts”, I took the time to reflect on our relationship. It honestly hasn’t been the best always and at this day and age I know for a fact that living under the same roof makes it worse. I know so many people who have lost their moms and would do anything to have them back so I try my hardest to cherish mine while she’s here but Lord knows that woman can irritate me so bad.
My mother has a smart mouth and is very emotional – that Cancer sign is a beast – and I know I get some of my ways from her. But then I know I’m different because where she gets off from yelling and screaming in arguments, I just say what I have to say and then I’m done. (Don’t get me wrong I’ve tried the yelling and screaming thing and it is tiresome… like I legit get sick of myself during the argument and get a headache. If you can do this the whole argument something is wrong lol) She probably hates that I do that but I don’t like headaches so that’s how it will be. My mouth used to get me in trouble so much with her – still does and I’m grown now – so we used to go at it a lot. I took her through hell. We went through things and I blamed her. It is what it is now.
Yesterday when I was talking to my Link group about my mom, I told them I felt she tried to push us into the bff relationship that she and her mom had. My grandmother died when I was one so I guess my mom just wanted to fill the void with me. I’m not the type to be pushed into anything though, I’m stubborn as all get out. On top of that I felt like she used to insert herself in situations that I didn’t want or even need her input in. She didn’t trust how well she raised me in certain scenarios to get through it myself. Because of this I pushed back and did the opposite of what I knew was right just to spite her. The more she started backing off, the better our relationship got. I would start coming to her for advice and asking her opinion on things just because she wasn’t trying to insert herself in every detail of my life. That’s where we are right now, learning the boundaries of our lives.
For the most part things are good. I’m that person that still asks my mom silly questions and uses her as my at home therapist. I love saying “if my mama agrees with me then I know I’m right” or “mama could you watch your grand puppy pls” and knowing she has my back on both. We still have a little ways to go, some things to heal through, but I’m happy with our progress. My mother isn’t my bff and that’s cool because she’s my mom… and that’s just enough for me.