When it comes to my wants in relationships, I might change my mind like the clock changes time. Sometimes I like men around my height, and other times it’s 6’0 and up only. Or I’ll take the baby daddy’s and be a step mama and then I switch up and it’s a hard hell no… you know, trivial things that get Twitter in an uproar. But one thing I know FOR SURE that I don’t do is distance. It may be hard for some to believe, but when I like someone it’s all hands on deck. I go from “don’t even think about touching me” to wanting to be in his skin and I can’t have that if my man lives a car ride, two takeoffs, and an Uber/Lyft away from my domain before I can be in his skin. So I’ve ruled a long distance relationship out of anything I want to accomplish – really it might be one of the top things I use to rule a prospect out, and it’s not just physical. Let’s talk.
Since I’ve gotten older and learned more about myself, I’ve come to realize that I value physical touch from my partner – ESPECIALLY on those days when life is life-ing a little harder and I just *cues Chris Brown* “…want you to wrap me in, your warm embrace…” By the time you look up a flight to be able to come tend to my breakdown I’ll probably be over it. And I’ve been single so long that I know I can get over it alone, but when I do it while I’m supposed to be building something with you, oh baby *cue Gucci Mane* ITS OVER!!! I mean yeah there are scenarios where I understand someone can’t come every time I call, but I need an 85-90% success rate in this department. Really if you can’t drive an hour, hour and a half to see me for whatever reason, it’s not beneficial to me nor something I personally would like to experience. Kudos to those that do, though, do what works for you.
The other side of this coin is that I don’t want someone who can’t see me as a priority. I am not one of those people who wants to go all day without some form of communication. There are people who will talk to you once and feel that’s good enough to satisfy the “quota” and that’s fine, but out of sight, out of mind is a horrible place for you to end up with me. Do I deserve all your time? No (yes I do), but I would at least like more effort and actions, than excuses and let downs. There’s only so many chances I’ll let you tell me you’re gonna do something and not do it. It’s actually very few chances… hell after the first time you probably already initiated the countdown to your exit. I’m big on actions and only saying things I mean so I expect reciprocity here. If we’re far away from each other mentally or emotionally it’ll never work – even if you can get to me in 20 min and pick up food on the way. If you’re filling my ears with lies and deceit or talking to me once and then going missing for the rest of the business day, you will be getting the f u c k out of my face. I enjoy daily conversations with a person I like, not just some simple texts for 3 seconds before we go about our day. And not to get too deep, but it’s a trigger for me when people I am closest to tell me they will do something for me and don’t. Miss me with the low communication and all talk no action energy please.
Long distance is a boundary/indicator for me, but not for all. Some say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. For me it ends up making me learn how to deal with life without a person, and that’s not how I would like my relationship to be with my partner. There may be a scenario where I feel the rule is worth bending, but I haven’t come across it yet so my statement stands. And now that I think about it, the mental/emotional distance might be worse than the physical because you don’t notice that until you start talking to the person. Not to get too dramatic (I’m about to go off the deep end), but it just might be the silent killer in relationships for me. Wow.
Well, I’m off to start the termination paperwork because in writing this I realize another one bites the dust. Damn, I hate it had to be him.
CheckMyLipss 