I messed around and got played. Although I’m not talking heartbreak or money lost, any type of being played is a capital crime to me personally. I got relaxed and cocky then BOOM, I’m sitting in an all day event of “ikyfl.” I knew something was off from the initial meet and greet, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. That shit played out in slow motion when it was all said and done though. At first I laughed, then I was angry, and then… well I’m actually still messed up about it – hence the dire need to get my fingers tapping away on this screen.
So we met on the dating app I swear by, Hinge, and I should’ve known it was going to be some mess. Our first video chat landed me on the listening end of a man who had gone through a rough divorce and blames that for the reasons he didn’t make it to his life goal. Alright, cool. We all have things we go through that may change the trajectory of our life path in some form or another, ultimately guiding us to where we are supposed to be – at least that’s what I tell myself. Already I could see he was a bit full of himself but I didn’t think too much of it. Fast forward to the date and everything is going good – until he brings up his trauma again and lays it all on the table. Mind you, we’re out to eat in a crowded restaurant and mimosas are FLOWING and the food has me ready to run and shout (that’s a good thing). So I was definitely caught off guard when he wanted to lay out all the details of his past situation and kill the mood we had set. I’m going from laughing and drinking to confusion and… well I was still drinking. We don’t waste liquor over here. This is when he also shared (after I suggested it may be the route he needs to take because ain’t no way you’re about to lay this on me for free) that he had in fact been to therapists and he decided it wasn’t for him because he was told he’s arrogant. Spoiler alert: he is. What pisses me off the most thinking about the restaurant though, is that he decided to have these dramatic pauses and look off into the distance while telling his stories. I’m irritated just thinking about it. He tried to out dramatize a drama queen. I’m honestly offended. And yes, yes he is a damn Leo.
(Pause: it’s been two months since I wrote this and now I think the man may have ptsd from his experience, but I’m in no capacity to diagnose such a thing… just an afterthought.)
If I had just jumped ship here then, well, maybe I wouldn’t be tapping the screen 3 days later. He asked if we could continue our date elsewhere and I obliged. I’m for the people. We went bar hopping 15 min away and this is where I ultimately get played. He has a child!!! That’s it!!! Hoodwinked and bamboozled by somebody’s bald headed baby daddy. After all I’ve done to ensure I don’t give somebody the impression that I’m bonus mom material, I still end up out with a man who claims he “had no choice” when he fathered this child. Sir I really don’t care. You KNEW a man having a child is a dealbreaker for me. Ain’t no hoe in my blood, I SAY IT OUT LOUD ON MY DATING PROFILE. You still decided to move forward with all your baggage and think you could change my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I love a present father and applaud it, but if we’re thinking of best interests here then we’re not in each other’s – respectfully. The icing on the cake? “I told you this.” When? “Oh when I told you all the other trauma about me that you didn’t ask to hear, but that I had to tell you about.” Gotcha (he didn’t say that, but that’s what I heard). Well then. First of all, no you didn’t and if you did, you did a damn good job of just sliding it in there where I wouldn’t notice. You played me.
He played me. As I sat there looking in the bar mirror, sipping my Old Fashioned, I decided I wasn’t playing fair either. Let’s continue the date. I’m running up a tab. And the next morning I sent him a nice voice message explaining kindly that it was fun, but no. Play with your d***, not me.
P.S. – first meetup/date + trauma dumping without first inquiring to see if I have the mental capacity to take it in + having a kid/s = big red flag energy for me. I have boundaries and he crossed them. I chose me. You should choose you, too.
CheckMyLipss 