Online Dating: The Truther

The things to note with online dating is you will have some kind of insane encounter that makes you question if life is real or not. I mean yeah I’ve had the funny little encounters here and there, but this one I’m about to tell you takes the cake. There were so many red flags and it ended in the legal use of the block feature. All of this would’ve been avoided had I just used the damn call/video chat option provided by the app but no, I let this man convince me to give him my number. Here’s how I met The Truther and messed up my cleaning day.

One of the guys I matched with was into art and what not, which is what intrigued me most of all about him. When we first matched he got straight to asking the “I wanna get to know you” questions and skipped out on the small talk – something I appreciate. After all this he asked for my number and, even though we hadn’t yet met, I decided to give it to him. (Note: because of him I stopped giving out my number until I after I meet folks.) So he would text and for some reason it was trash in terms of us both responding sporadically and I was completely over it until one Monday (that was my designated “cleaning day”), we were actually texting consistently. He asked if he could call and I’m like whatever, I can talk and clean. The conversation is calm at first discussing music tastes and current tasks, then he’s talking about interests, hobbies, dream job as a child, etc., and this is where everything goes south. Building off of this I had the audacity to ask him what stopped him from becoming his dream profession, and he said something about he had to learn a lot by himself and that “it’s hard out here for a Black man” and I knew I’d f$%*ed up. See as a Black Woman, I know how hard it is for Black people in general – having to fight against systemic racisms and micro aggressions left behind by the 400 year slavery that deemed we were not even human – but that he only saw Black men having it hard. It’s not a competition. We [Black people] all have to deal with it.

As I’m walking around with a phone on FaceTime in one hand and my broom sweeping my floors with the other, I question myself and why I didn’t see a red flag before now. I already know this was the first and last time we were going to talk because, since I saw the one, I was gonna see plenty more. I paused and looked at my floors to see if I missed a spot then settled in for the ride. I poked the bear that day as Anita Baker played in the background and Kaine ran around outside barking like the energy crazed fur child that he is.

That day I learned what a Truther is. They believe in flat earths, poisons in the vaccine, aliens running the government, lgbt community being government plants, and much more that I don’t care to remember. See me, I’m always down for a conspiracy theory, but these gave me more questions that poked holes in his theories and no answers – that made him mad. He also said he had proof of everything he was telling me about and used to post about it on his IG page to his thousands of followers, but that the government shut it down because they don’t want people knowing these truths. He sent me a couple things which made me ask more questions, which irritated him. He felt I was trying to make him say the wrong thing, meanwhile, I was just trying to understand what he was talking about so passionately. I am simply intrigued by the human mind and sometimes like to learn more about the thought process of other’s.

At this point I’ve given up on cleaning and sat in my computer chair in the middle of my living room, looking for the hidden cameras that must be watching me… that or trying to figure out why I wasn’t recording this conversation to share with my friends so they could experience this bizarre moment with me. I’ve pissed this man off continuously at this point – which was well within my rights after he told me I was going to hell because I got vaccinated. One of my favorite quotes from him was me asking if he had kids after he said something that made him sound fatherly, “I’m 28, of course I have kids.” What. Because when did a certain age automatically equal kids??? I’m once again baffled. Also, I clearly state I don’t date men with kid(s) on my dating profile, but they think I’m around here passing out exceptions – I’m not. As to not make this any longer I’ll just give the good highlights:

⁃ He has 2 kids

⁃ His children’s mother “cheated on him” and left with the kids

⁃ He complains about child support, custody and visitation and the system being against Black men

⁃ When questioned as to why he didn’t go to court to get a new agreement, he said lawyers cost money and most men can’t afford all that. When specifically asked about his situation, he stated he makes good money. I asked why he hasn’t gone to court then. He was finally fed tf up with me and decided he would call me back.

– I told him that he didn’t have to call back and this was our last talk, got off the phone, and immediately blocked him.

Don’t let this one experience deter you from trying online dating though. Just see the red flags and don’t poke the bear. That day I stayed in that one spot, sitting in my computer chair in the middle of the living room for an hour after the call was over and tried to figure out what kind of calamity I had just been involved in. At that moment I had to decide if that one experience was going to make or break my dating. Since then, though, I’ve had better experiences. I’m glad I decided to continue forward in spite of it. In the end there will just be that ONE and I have to go through a few “bad apples” before I get to the Golden Delicious to plant seeds with. It’s not a race, but a marathon.

Happy online dating.

Good stories and bottom line to follow.