New Page, Same Book

So once again I thought I had found one, but I’m always wrong so why did I ever give myself such hope? Oh because I’m an undercover hopeless romantic… yeah that might do it. Well anyway this one was cool and I was happy, yet slightly intimidated that he had his shit together. That feeling didn’t last long, though. I was here for it finally like “yes put me on to new things” instead of it being the other way around. Quite frankly, I want someone to help me get it together for once. The dumbest things I’ve ever done included putting my all into trying to help those that couldn’t even help themselves. Now I’m in the trenches. I gotta put me first!

Let me get back on subject.

So you know when you get the feeling that things are too good to be true and you start checking around for imminent danger? I got that feeling and as much as I was trying to just be in the moment, it was still there poking me. The “just because” roses he got for me started dying which is really no big deal right? To most it wouldn’t be, but to me it was a sign because all of a sudden our communication started faltering. And let me tell you I was trying to hang on to those roses for dear life; I bought plant food and made sure to change the water out regularly, even talked to them hoes and gave each bouquet a name. And as with he and I? I would take the high road and just try to apologize for bringing stuff up and now I wanna take all that back because it was in vain. Maybe this is too new, still, for me to accurately look back and see what I did wrong but the thing is, I actually learned from past mistakes and did things differently. It still was a fail. Lmao damned if I do or if I don’t. I can sit here and say that when the communication from both parties went left then that was it. Nobody could regain control because the car was lost. We were just tumbling down a mountain. Neither of us were on the same page until now – when the situation altogether was deaded and I granted his wish. Number blocked. Thread deleted.

I’m not going to beg anyone to see the value in me as a person. I see my value. It did inspire me to clear out a bunch of old threads of unsaved numbers though – when the star player goes, the whole team gets scrapped and we go into a rebuilding phase. And I saved money by not buying him a gift for Valentine’s like I was going to… shit I thought I was going to have a real date for once. Did it hurt my feelings? Of course. I’m not all brick wall like I claim to be. But it’s life and I REFUSE to be stuck on this situation like I’ve been in past one’s. We deal with it and move on around here. Here’s to a new month – BLACK HISTORY MONTH AT THAT – and a clean lovers slate.

PS – if we end up dating, still get me flowers. This is not a post against flowers. This is a post against people who are “always right” and who fail to listen to any logic other than their own. I guess I could’ve made that more clear.