When I planned things for myself coming into 2020 I did not take into account that the world could just go into shambles during my self care year. This year, I planned to make big moves for myself (that are still coming to fruition) but I had no idea that each month would bring something new on a real life game of Jumanji. Now here it is in August and I’m just glad I’ve made it this far because… whew chile, the ghetto. I’m experiencing emotions from the flips and turns that we’re all experiencing PLUS dealing with my own spiritual journey of minimizing my toxic behaviors and trying to better myself and it’s honestly a lot – but I’m making it. Throughout all of this I’ve come to learn more about myself than I ever planned to this year and low key, I’m kind of amazed at what I’ve become. Like I really have normalized toxic entanglements to things and people and had NO IDEA IT WAS TOXIC.
You may wonder how I didn’t even see my own red flags but let’s be for real here, who really ever sees the red flags in themselves straight off the rip?? Plus I’ve already mentioned before that I have a bad habit of ignoring the red flags of others so maybe I’m just color blind to them [crying emoji]. But nah for real, when I said I had to start paying attention to the red flags in Warning: Triggered, I should’ve realized that meant for myself too. You have to be real with yourself and check yourself so I dedicated this year to be my spiritual journey. Subconsciously I knew that I had some things in me that I needed to work on deep down within. That is not the reason I verbally expressed at the beginning of all this so I guess God was like “oh you think it’s just that reason but let me really show you what’s up” and the universe has been coming for me ever since. And it’s kind of funny that now I’m picking up on my behavior and things I’ve done and my friends are like “yeah girl we knew already” and I’m like [insert Regina Hall crying meme] “y’all wasn’t gonna tell me??” Honestly they probably have told me before but I wasn’t ready to hear it and that’s the case for people most times. Like you can’t take a drug addict to rehab and expect them to successfully quit if they’re not ready to or don’t even feel they have a drug problem. I AM NOT A DRUG ADDICT but I mean it’s the same thing with me and my toxic traits because I didn’t even realize they were toxic until like two months ago. So what am I doing to change these ways? Rome wasn’t built in a day and I procrastinate…. so there’s that…
But no really I find myself checking my actions and responses daily to consider how these can effect others involved (most of the time). I’m trying to think before I speak as to not be disrespectful while simultaneously not allowing people to play in my face. I’m also taking into account if things I do are actually forms of self care or if I just disguised it as such which means defining what self care truly is for me. Some of my habits do more harm than good and I am now aware and actively working to change that. So, am I done with my spiritual journey? Lol no. Will I continue? Yes, I think it’s beneficial for me to truly know myself. Do I recommend? It is NOT for the weak, but 10/10 would recommend.
CheckMyLipss 