I am nowhere near where I want to be in life but I’m taking the steps to get there. These 20 somethings are a lot to handle and it’s better if we see that we’re not the only ones going through certain things. Some people are blessed to have figured out the mathematical equation to life earlier than others. I used to (and sometimes I still do but not as much) let the battles of life shake me to the point of tears. Full blown anxiety attacks would hit me just because I was too busy looking at what was deemed right and all that I was losing, that I was missing everything I have left. Most of my life I’ve lived to do the “right” thing. I went to school, made good grades, didn’t get in BIG big trouble, stayed away from drugs, went to college, made decisions that I felt my family would be proud of, etc. Lately I’ve been looking at everything I’ve done and have been assessing if it was what I wanted, or if it was to save face for others and do what they wanted. I mean my big life decisions… were these based off of family more than just me? I feel like my 20 somethings have been so rough because I’m trying to make everyone else proud through MY life. God did not put me on this earth to live for anybody else so really wtf am I doing???? I’ve devoted 25 years to tip toeing and doing things that I felt satisfied my own family and putting what I actually want to do to the back burner. Basically I’m saying I want to be a stripper and never tried because my family wouldn’t approve but this would actually make me happy. There, it’s out. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Kidding. Kind of.
But really I’ve made decisions for others and not myself which have left me feeling stranded and unfulfilled. That’s when I started getting down on myself and thinking of everything I lost or missed out on because I didn’t make MY OWN decision for ME. Things like my posts entitled Day 46 and Unravel were happening more often than I proclaimed or wrote about. Maybe one person would know when I was on the floor bawling my eyes out and gasping for air… shit was tough. Let’s be super clear here: I saw my savings account get smaller with no way to stop it because jobs weren’t calling me back and my current one just wasn’t cutting it. If you want to talk about a life in shambles, I swore I was the poster child for it. And I was so confused because I did everything right my whole life, how could things just be going so wrong?!?! There’s this sermon series I’ve been listening to from Pastor Travis Greene called Jars and it’s been spitting gems the whole series (you should go check it out if that’s your vibe). The last sermon in this series is what really struck me and gave me confirmation that I’m moving right. The main key was about focusing on what you have left in life. Strength comes from where we are weak; we’ve all been told that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So now I’m looking at what I have left for me and it’s all the right things to make me happy. Family, I love you, but y’all have your lives and I have mine. Year 26 I’m looking at what I have left and using it FOR ME. No more wondering if y’all will appreciate it or be proud because if they really love you, they’ll be happy as long as you are. So excuse me as I use my knowledge, resources, and life skills based off of choices I’ve made in the past to make better decisions for my life. I’m about to go get a BBL, cheetah print tattoos and take some classes and y’all will see me at Magic City climbing the pole with some loc extensions swinging!!
Kidding, again. For real.
Basically all I’m saying is don’t dwell on what you lost. It’s gone. Can’t get it back. It’s a memory. A bag you fumbled. Now use what you learned and what you still have to not fumble the next bag. You got this [insert flex emoji].
CheckMyLipss 