Warning: Triggered

It’s hard to let things go sometimes. You feel you’ve processed the situation and you’re ready to move forward but then there are still the lingering questions of why it happened and why it had to be you, again…. triggered.

[imagine Jhené Aiko’s Triggered starts playing softly in the background]

There’s this one situation with this one guy in particular that still bothers me. I’ve been trying to be done with him, his business and the entire situation for MONTHS now and it just won’t stop bothering me. I guess this is what happens when you truly care for someone and then it goes downhill because y’all crossed boundaries that were not meant to be crossed in this lifetime. It’s not like signs and red flags weren’t there and that my close ones didn’t repeatedly give me sound advice to move along, but for some reason I have this niche for learning lessons the hard way [insert face palm]. Part of what triggers me is that he seems to be unbothered by the whole ordeal and occasionally still tries to use me in whatever way he may see fit – at least that’s how I see it and I don’t like it! But 2020 has brought new vision for me and the way I view situations (2020 vision lol) and I’ve been trying to use this to help in my growth. For starters, I’m not ignoring the red flags anymore for anybody! I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt and use that as an excuse to be a clown. Sometimes you just have to trust the character traits of people and not try to look deep within to see the good in them nor should you become “Captain Save-A-Hoe” (they aren’t all necessarily hoes but you get it) and try to bring the good out of them. I also can’t change or be too lenient on my standards. No more “we’re just doing this until we find somebody else” because that implies I’m not good enough for you which is a lie – your mama isn’t good enough. Sometimes we bend our own rules in order to be comfortable when that comfort only lasts for a moment (or a couple of years – don’t judge me) instead of sticking to what we want and waiting for it. Those quick fixes become long term headaches. Bottom line: I’m here for a good time AND a long time. I get that we are all different and there are going to be some things that you may just disagree with a person on and that’s fine. At the same time I have to pay attention to the situation at hand and make sure I’m not putting myself in something that starts with shh and ends with it. Finally, I’m not falling for the words. Anybody can spit game and make things sound sweet but not everybody has the gift of following through with said words. Y’all know how the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words,” so when the two don’t add up, power walk or run up out of that situation. I’ve been known to be guilty of just talking myself but I’m trying to hold myself accountable to show others that I’m not just running game… well not all the time. Yeah the situation with ole dude still bothers me but I’ll get over that. I’m no longer trying to make the same mistake twice so I’m taking this and learning from it. Alicia Keys said it best when she said Show Me Love. Protect your energy for ones who SHOW you they deserve it. Remember it’s a process to get rid of certain triggers so until you’re no longer bothered by your situations, blast Triggered on repeat – I won’t judge you because I’ll be doing the same.