I keep a lot of things that I shouldn’t, things that represent memories of simpler times. I kept them to remember the good and ignore the bad or the red flags that were always there. Too busy trying to be Superwoman and change a dead situation that I didn’t realize how much of a villain to my own life I’d become. Recently I upgraded my phone (y’all I had a 6s until Monday and would’ve kept it had one of the mics not been broken – for a year) and in trying to transfer everything I had to clear some storage space to back up my phone to make this possible. I was not about to pay extra for the cloud so I started going through my pics because I know that was a big chunk of my storage space. I had pictures of a past relationship that really started making me miss my ex. It got to the point that I wanted to hit him up or find some kind of clue as to how he’s currently making it in life. Then I came to this video and I immediately thought of how much pain I caused myself in trying to revive a dead situation. The video was a recording I had of a toxic conversation we had – I’m not the feds but he would forget what he said and I needed proof just in case. It made me cringe and tense up to listen to the whole thing but I did. Two separate videos of a conversation late one night and I could’ve cried… NOT because I hurt for us but because I hurt for me. Still after that phone call I didn’t 100% leave him alone when I clearly should have. I held on for comfort. I held on to what I knew. I was literally out here clinging to toxicity but at the same time I was pleading for happiness. Man, 2018 was just rough. And those videos snapped me back to reality in leaving that alone. I shut out the world when it came to that relationship and it showed in my mental health. I would leave him alone and immediately my outlook in life would change for the better. Then I’d see something relationship related and felt I needed to fill a void and we would reconnect. Ultimately it was a learning experience and the final verdict is we’re better apart because now I can focus on myself. I’m still recovering mentally from my own actions on my life from trying to be Superwoman far too often. There are quite a few things I refuse to go through again now but I’m glad I learned them early on. The last good thing that he left me with was a simple sentence that turned into a tattoo that speaks volumes to me personally – “you keep me sane.” I was so caught up on being there for him that I forgot to be there for myself. Now when I read that tattoo, I’m reminded that I’m my own super hero FIRST. So I just have three final points:
- If it’s not about blessings I can’t even address it (word to Teyana Taylor)
- If it’s not love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (go read it ASAP), then it’s not for me
- And lastly, taking care of your mental health before dealing with these little bald headed males/females does not make you the villain.
CheckMyLipss 