When you’re young, friendships are tighter. You’re around each other more often than not and you can never see yourself not being around that person. Day in and day out y’all are together doing whatever without a real responsibility or care in the world. Then you hit 18 and/or go off to college; somewhere along the line you hit some aspect of the real world. Those friends you had up until that point are either going their own way or y’all are embarking on the same path. If the latter happened to you, congratulations because the distance between you took a little longer to present itself.
That was not my case at all.
In every new change in life, my friends of whom I was so close to have fallen by the wayside. There wasn’t a big fight or some internet shade that was thrown. One day the text messages just didn’t come through and the phone calls were limited, one day I woke up and realized that my current close (best) friend and I hadn’t been around each other nor in contact for a long time. Of course I tried to reconnect because it DOES take me a while to get close with someone. Its just one of those things I continue to go through so I have to wonder “is it me?” Without much of a word or an explanation I have lost anyone who was considered to be a close friend. Now I’m to the point where I just don’t mind as much anymore because 1. I still have my family, 2. there was no love lost in the situation and 3. I can still consider them to be a friend. I guess this was one of the reasons I started a blog – it has a tendency to be an online diary if you want it to be. I’m okay with growing apart and partaking different journeys in life but to me if we were really friends, that wouldn’t stop even a minimal conversation. The two people who I was closest to more recently hit me with the line of “well I’ve been distant from everybody lately, not just you” and I would cringe in reading this. To me, we all have different relationships with different people and everybody will receive different energy from you depending on that relationship, BUUUUUUTTTTTT if we really are that close then I shouldn’t be getting the same energy as everybody else and that’s just me and how I feel. Like if you need a break then THAT’S UNDERSTOOD, I’m just saying like let me know you’re alive or something! Now its to the point where I get you needed a break but now I need mine. There is no negativity associated with me needing my me time. Why should I waste my energy of trying to reach out and keep something going when it just might not be meant to be? Or why should I continue to try if I feel I am being bothersome and hardly conducive to their well-being? I’m a natural born introvert and maybe this affects the way I think but I also base a lot of my thinking off of vibes and can easily feel a shift and when it may be directed towards me. I also am well aware when I’m the one emitting negativity into the atmosphere. Now it is my turn to be to my self I guess. So friends…if I call you a friend…just know that if you need me, I’m still here, I’m still rooting for you, I’m still in your corner. There’s no ill feeling from me to you and I don’t blame you for taking a hiatus because now I’m doing the same. In one weird way I guess this is the grown up version of being friends for me. We can still hang out from time to time and keep it cool as always but not as often. Oh well, its all love (air hug).
CheckMyLipss 